I was scared. Really scared.
Until
I decided, committed, and scooted my butt right off the 55 foot platform.
After that, it was easy (almost anticlimactic).
With helmet, harness & ropes, I walked with 12 women who in any other setting would have looked pretty normal.
But these ladies were anything but normal women.
They’re dreamers.
And dreamers are brave . . even when they’re scared.
The tower really didn’t look too tall.
I can do this. No problem.
I climbed the cargo net.
Once I got the hang of it, it was easy.
Until the top.
Gradually I’d realized how high I was getting.
But as long as I leaned forward, held tight to the net and kept my footing sure, I was good.
Even if I slipped, the net was right under me. A leg or an arm might fall through, but there was no way all of me could fit through the gaps in the net.
On top of that, I was clipped in to a cable that would catch me if I fell.
But at the top . .
what was I supposed to grab on to?
I felt like a bug trying to climb up on a ledge.
The leader on the platform checked my harness. It was uncomfortably tight, but he tightened it more. Not wanting to accidentally “slip” out of my harness, I welcomed the discomfort.
From there I entered another net to climb yet even higher to the platform above me.
This cargo net hung from overhead and surrounded me on all four sides. The climb up wasn’t more than 10 feet, but the challenge here was how to climb up a free-swinging net.
I started with my hands and feet in front of me like I’d climbed the previous net, but soon found myself practically hanging backwards.
Gravity does that.
It took some thinking, struggling, and trying a few different positions until I found a workable way to climb. (The woman behind me thanked me later for figuring that out for her 😉
Now on the second ledge, I got my footing and started to stand up.
And the platform swayed.
FEAR
There were no railings.
Just two cheery leaders talking to the rest of us with tones that seemed intent on conveying . .
“You’re safe.”
The kind of fear I was feeling fifty-five feet in the air with no railings and the platform under me swaying wasn’t easily assuaged by cheery tones.
But I took their word for it.
They clipped me in again to a cable above my head. Now this was my “safety net.” If I lost my footing, the cable would keep me from falling.
My excitement and fear combined into some strange mix of disoriented giddiness.
I waited and watched as the brave woman in front of me prepared to “scoot” off the tower onto a zip line that would carry her flying into open space for no other reason than her desire to do so.
And then it was my turn.
The leader hooked me in, told me to sit down, and then instructed me on some words I was supposed to holler to the ants/people below, and they hollered something back, and then I hollered something, and when they hollered back that’s when I was supposed to . .
OH MY GOSH . . I’M REALLY GOING TO DO THIS?
It wasn’t panic, just an electric moment of realization and decision.
And I decided . .
Yes.
Flying through the air was exhilarating, funny, and EMPOWERING!
I’d hardly unhooked when I was considering what other wild adventures and feats I might attempt (the Wonder Woman complex was setting in).
On the ground, I watched and cheered as my fellow dream-sisters one by one faced their fears and flew.
As a writer, the whole thing was so rich with analogy I almost started writing on my iPhone right there.
But the most glaring truth, the most surprising reality, and the most wonderful relief was this . .
The greatest fear was not in the flying but in every step until the moment I said the final YES.
The fear wasn’t in the doing, in the place I might fail and fall to my death.
It was in all the steps up until.
Dreams are like that.
The real overcoming is getting there.
And then once you arrive at the last moment of decision, that place where you’ve expected all along to face the greatest fear,
You realize you already have.
Check out the inspiring words of some fellow brave jumpers/dreamers:
Disclaimer: the photos/videos of the climbers above are not me in most instances. But I promise, I DID do it.
This is where it happened (click on the button below to read more posts about this incredible weekend and the women there) . .
Great post! So true! I have been in that place before, and the fear is almost nauseating….but then you do it anyway, and it is amazing! But heights? Ugh! I don't know about that one! I would definitely be sick with fear on that one! Good for you! And great job on the connection between this and your God-sized dream! I loved this "and then once you arrive at the last moment of decision, that place where you've expected all along to face the greatest fear, you realize you already have." YES!
Thank you, Nicole. I'm still finding the analogies . . just this morning I was faced with a fear that made it hard to get out of bed. I remembered that I am "clipped in" and safe because of God's love and grace. May His perfect love continue to give us courage as we pursue our dreams!
You are a rock star! I am deathly afraid of heights and on many occasions have embarrassed my entire family by having to crouch down in tall buildings. I once laid flat on the floor and scooted across the building in a sky scraper. Needless to say, that was embarrassing. Even so, I did do a huge zipline in Vegas on my honeymoon at my husbands request and while I may or may not have yelled bad words as I soared above the crowed, at least I lived.
I love this. "The real overcoming is getting there." It's so true that the steps are the scariest. The fight in your mind as you prepare and not necessarily being airborn, because by then you're living the adventure and dream.
So fun to watch you guys fly! And even more fun to connect with you again.
Alia, you are so funny and real! I love that! I'm so glad we connected and look forward to reading your beautiful, wise words until we meet again! XO
What great fun! thanks for sharing, it made me feel I was there{without the fear!}
It was so much fun . . happy to share it with you 🙂
Thanks for sharing. That was exellent. Makes me recall all the giant spiritual leaps of faith I've taken.
Jeanne
Love those big leaps of faith, Jeanne . . exhilarating and so reaffirming of God's love and power!
Loved your take-away moment Kim!
"But the most glaring truth, the most surprising reality, and the most wonderful relief was this . .
The greatest fear was not in the flying but in every step until the moment I said the final YES."
What magnificent lessons God gives us in the our adventures in life ~ if we just pay attention 😀
Oh–and I saw you–you were there! I was the brave picture taker! Ha!
Yes, such great lessons, Caryn! So happy to have met you!
"I'm scared."
I LOVE this. I love that you thought to do a video, that you carried your phone (and others their cameras) so we could have these visual reminders of our bravery.
The fear wasn't in the actual doing but in the steps to that final YES.
This is so YES! The working up to it, the worrying about it, the wondering if I really should.
How overwhelmingly spiritual this thing was, a stone of remembrance for me. And I'm so glad I got to share it with you.
Yes, already a stone I've gone back to and gained courage from! Thanks for sharing the challenge and the weekend, Sandra. It was great to meet you!
Hysterical. One of my captchas was "daring."
Hah! The theme goes on!
Kim, this is so, so good. And such radical truth though its simple, that the greatest fear we have is often in the steps getting there. And then when step into the actual dream its exhilarating. Awesome post. So glad you shared it. And it was a pleasure to meet you and talk with you for a few moments at the retreat. I pray that the Lord will continually bless the dream you are stepping into, it excited me just hearing about it.
Thank you, Shelly. I'm glad to have met you too. I hope our paths cross again. Until then, I look forward to getting to know you better through your words.
Dear Kim ~ I had signed up for the challenge of the brave activities, but God had other plans. So I am so thankful that you and some of the other brave ones have recorded their experience so that I could experience it through you! The steps there are the most fearful ones, aren't they?….sometimes it even starts with those get-out-of-bed steps that want us to keep laying down our dreams. But God is faithful and he completes what he starts so we can do just what you did that day…take that leap of faith and trust him to keep you safely nuzzled in! (PS – glad to hear they didn't fondle your tresses on the trip home. So glad I am not alone in that experience!)
Hugs,
Kelly
Oh, yes . . those get-out-of-bed steps are the BIGGEST many days! But being "clipped in" and knowing He won't let me fall gives me courage.
And I guess they're not afraid of big hair in the midwest 😉
Thank you for sharing. That truth really hit home.
You're welcome, Azure. I need this truth daily 🙂
"The greatest fear was not in the flying but in every step until the moment I said the final YES." <— So true, so easy to forget! Thank you for the reminder, for this awesome post, & for being brave! It was great to get to meet you this past weekend!! ~Frances
Loved meeting you, Frances!!! Hope to see you again, friend.
Oh my! When you were on top, I was getting queasy! And when you went off the platform I screamed! Thank you for sharing this and being a brave dreamer. Loved it!
Then that made two of us 😉 Thanks for reading, Rhonda!
How wonderful! I was there, but no ziplining for this girl. That said, it makes me smile HUGE to see you embrace the experience and all that you share about it. Your comments about the hard part being until you say yes make sense. Smiling and inspired~thanks:)
Thanks for visiting, Amy. I almost didn't go out for it . . it was so cold and the fire and community inside so warm. I'm sure we were all right where we were supposed to be, and I'm happy the story of my experience makes you smile 😀
3 weeks since #jtreat and my heart is finally able to really read everyone's linkups. Safe. Empowered. You. Inspire. Keep jumping, brave friend. Your life and words encourage us to overcome. Thank you. -nasreen
YOU inspire ME, friend! Love you!